SPRM @ Kuching

I went to Hills Shopping Mall on Saturday and saw this "van" when I walked over to Parkson to watch a movie "The Roommate". Personally, this is the first time I ever saw this van in Kuching area, thus, I can't resist taking photo of it.

SPRM - Suruhanjaya Pencegahan Rasuah Malaysia (I remember this name from Nga Kor Ming's speech in Kuching last time: Malysia has a new tourist place, and that is SPRM)

Decorated in such a colourful way too. Since Hills is having Bridal's fair that day, I was snickering, wordering is it because one of the suspect is actually the boss/taukeh of a certain show.

Adventure of kidnapping Disney Chip

Stage 1: Go guardian, spent and get stickers.

Stage 2: Go guardian, spent and get stickers.

Stage 3: The more you spent, the more stickers you get. Simple rule!

Stage 4: Ta~ Da~ Mission Accomplish!

Stage 5: Go guardian, kidnap Chip home

And now, Chip is officially kidnapped.

But he seems happy with his current status.

5 carats Diamond proposal ring

This year marked a new chapter for my life.

One special night before the coming of 2011, Ah Phui trying to act secretive and trying to give me a surprise.

He cracked his head and thought of a suitable place, then kneel down on one knee, and asked for my hand of marriage.

Then, he presented to me, my engagement ring, the one and only 5-Carats diamond ring. Lol~

A ring big enough to let everyone know I'm truly engaged. Lol...

This blog is purely dedicated as a "JOKE".

Spring: It's mating season

Looks what did I found in the office early in the morning?

Did you manage to see it?

Closer picture

Even closer. Haha...

A pair of moth enjoying themselves out in the open (i.e. Mating) Apparently these two moths had been at this position for at least 3 hours.

WTF?

I really wonder how Kuching people drive their car... This incident happened at Simpang Tiga Roundabout yesterday.

WIVES

I received an email regarding wife and found out it’s quite funny. Enjoy single guys and girls out there.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O'Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
David Letterman

"First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno

Communication Gap

At a cross junction traffic light, Ah Phui stopped the car as the traffic light is showing red.

Ah Phui: Can I turn?
Rainbow: (Look at the traffic light, notice there is an arrow key) Can, there is an arrow key for turning.
Ah Phui: Now I can turn is it?
Rainbow: (A bit frustrated) Ya, there is an arrow key for turning.
Ah Phui: Aiyoh, I know there is an arrow key, what I’m asking is that whether I can turn when it’s still red light?

At that time the traffic light turn green.

Ah Phui: No need liao.
Rainbow: I thought you ask me whether can turn or not.
Ah Phui: I also can see there’s an arrow key there lah, the question I ask if whether I can turn while it’s still red because sometimes there is an instruction saying turn left if clear.

Rainbow: ….. OH…


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Rainbow reached the airport while waiting for her mum and sends a text message to Ah Phui.

“I decided to go pick up my mum from the airport instead since it’s near to her arrival time. Reach airport liao. Listening to my fm now”

3 min later…

“Drive safely ya BB”

Annoyed,
“Aiyoh, I say I already at airport lor.. Waiting for my mum now.”

“I know you at airport. Later still need to drive back bah”

Rainbow: …. OH…

Mum and Daughter

Yesterday my dad informed my mum that he will bring her to a dinner with his “ang moh” bosses. Since his bosses are bringing their wives, so naturally, my dad needs to bring my mum along too, since they will be playing the hosts here. Meaning, making the conversation, ordering the dishes, and ensure the dinner is a pleasant one.

Now, my mum is not one with very high education. In fact, she just graduated with a SPM certificate. And she totally panicked when my dad said he will be bringing her along. So, as her smart and loving daughter, I suggested to her a few tactics on “how to communicate with ang moh”.

1. Pardon? I beg your pardon? (The problem having a conversation with ang moh is that you can’t understand or catch their accent)
2. Excuse me?
3. Oh I see, I see…..
4. Just laugh when they finish a sentence if you don’t get it. Hahahaha….
5. If you can’t think of any topic to say, just begin the conversation by making a remark on the weather. Eg: Recently the weather is reeeeally hot! (With an Australia accent)

Now, do I give good advice?

Do I look like this?

Lolz... A 10 years old boy at our church draw a picture of me today. In a short time of maybe 2 minutes?

Barn Buddy on Facebook

This is how I look like if I ever decide to change my job and become a farmer. Lols...

Joke of the week

This week, I received a sms from Celcom saying that they are currently trying to update their customer profile and ask us to spare some times to answer their phone call. I received their call this Friday.

This "indian" girl asked me some regular questions like my phone number, my IC number, mother's name. Now, the funniest part of the conversation is when she asked me what is my company name.

Operator: Okay miss, what is your company name?
Me: X Fab Sarawak.
Operator: Oh, s t that s is it?
Me: No no, it's X-men that x.
Operator: Oh, it's called X-men Sarawak.
Me: Hahahahahahahaha.................. No, it's not X-men Sarawak, it's X Fab Sarawak.

That really makes my day.

Shirt? Skirt?

I showed my msn chat mate what I bought today.
Then he asked: are you sure this it is a shirt? or a skirt?
Little Rainbow: SKIRT???
Little Rainbow: are u blind?

Those of you who are reading this, please see the picture below, can you tell me what you see?

A shirt or a skirt?

Weirdest Gift I ever Received

Guess the weirdest present I ever received as my birthday present. 4D toto number. Too bad it didn't kena. Else I will be a rich lady....

Theory that win Physics Nobel Prize

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,Women that don't spend = Donkeys

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, what do we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Laughter the best medicin

Receive this email. Not sure whether it's true or not, but it's mad hilarious.

WHY WE SHOULD LEARN ENGLISH

This is a true story from the Japanese Embassy in US!!!

A few days ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Barack Obama...

The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, "When you shake hand with President Obama, please say 'How are you?'. Then Mr. Obama should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'Me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you."

It looks quite simple, but the truth is...

When Mori met Obama , he mistakenly said 'Who are you?' (Instead of 'How are you?'.)

Mr. Obama was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor: 'Well, I'm Michelle's husband, ha-ha...'

Then Mori replied 'Me too, ha-ha.. .'.

Then there was a long silence in the meeting room.

OMG!!

Time for some jokes

FML = F**k My Life

*

Today, my boss told me that I was hired because of how much I reminded him of his daughter. Taking this as a compliment, I mentioned it to a co-worker who I was trying to impress. I later found out that my boss’ daughter is both clinically obese and mentally challenged. FML

*

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

*

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

*

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

*

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

*

Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML

*

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

*

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I proceeded to ask what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

*

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

*

Today, I went on a walk with the guy I like. He held my hand, so I decided to tell him that I had feelings for him. He said that he had feelings for me too. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He put his hand on my face and pushed it away, and said "until your acne clears, we are NOT together." FML

*

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

*

Today, I drove to Bank of America to deposit money. Upon returning to my car I saw some random new scratches on the front. I proceeded to kick and rub it to try and get rid of it. Then I notice someone in the car staring at me in bewilderment. I'd parked 2 spaces away. We have the same car. FML

*

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and proceeded to moan EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

Something to brighten up your day

Failure is not when ur girlfriend leaves you...
It's only when u leave her a virgin.

Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both!

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of Sperm when Mating. Only 10% enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted Salty?!

Why is it that a girl looks down when u say I love u?
To see if u really mean it!

Why is sex similar to shaving?
Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u have to do it again.

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex .
Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life?
Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years.

The stock markets now are like an old man's dick?
Just refusing to rise, and the irony is that everyone is still getting fucked!

This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan:
We stare because we care!

The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls.
The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death !

A loud scream comes from the bedroom and the husband runs in.
He sees a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife yells: That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband: Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife: Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.

What's the diff between a bomb n a condom?
In a bomb blast population decreases & if a condom blasts population increases.

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

OMG, this is so funny.... I still found it funny when I'm typing this out. Haha..

p/s: To prevent any plagiarism, I quote the entire article from an email.

Email...

Honeymoon

Once upon a time in, there lived a happy couple, Mr & Mrs Lim with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena and Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.

Years passed, and it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable 'leng chais' (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.

As 'concerned' (more like 'kay-poh') parents, Mr & Mrs Lim were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Lim told them, 'Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use a codename to describe your experiences'.

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr &Mrs Lim got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. 'Ah! Here it is!', exclaimed Mr. Lim. The motto for Standard Chartered was .... 'BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY'. Mr & Mrs Lim were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. 'NESCAFE'. So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. 'Ah! Here it is. 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP'. Mr. & Mrs Lim beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Lims became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs Lim managed to figure it out. The codename was 'SINGAPORE AIRLINES'.

Why Singapore Airlines?

Mr Lim rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. 'Ah! Here it is!' Mrs. Lim grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ...THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair. The motto was ..

'7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP'

Funny Sign

Was looking through my album and suddenly I came across this. Meant to put it the 10 fun things to do at Thailand but somehow totally forget about it.

This is the sign we saw when we enter Hard Rock Cafe.

Huh?